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1) No using the bathroom! We apparently don’t have essential bodily functions!
2) No eating in class! Read Rule 1 again!
3) No drinking water in class! Read Rule 1 again if you don’t understand!
4) All work must be submitted by precisely 3:00pm the day they are due, or you FAIL.
5) I will fail you if you don’t agree with me.
6) Accommodations? Pshhh, I don’t believe in those.
7) You need to buy this $600 required textbook and its $1000 access code that we will only use once, but you will fail if you do not have.
8) You MUST maintain direct eye contact with me the entire lecture portion of class.
9) Do not look at or talk to your peers in class. You will be COMPETING against them, Darwinism style.
10) The class must be DEAD silent. I must be able to close my eyes and pretend like you are all corpses.
11) You will be docked points if you show up to class even a second late.
12) Sickness does not exist, and neither Covid nor the flu are an excuse. I don’t believe in masks and will make fun of you if you show up and wear them. Suck it up and come to class!
13) No coffee allowed!! (Real rule that I was sooo petty about in high school. I made it my mission to drink as much coffee as humanely possible during that class just to spite the teacher who’d always yell at me for it.)